Cowgirl Perfect Dress

I wasn't into pockets. I think they usually screw up a good silhouette (and as someone with severe scoliosis, I can't afford more irregular lumps in my silhouette). But so many people said they wouldn't want the dress without pockets that I decided to add pockets, and HELL YEAH, POCKETS.

Since the skirt is roughly a circle skirt, the pockets can hold a fair amount of stuff before they screw up the silhouette. A few keys? A few bucks? Your ATM card? Yes, even a cell phone (though the bigger the phone, the bigger the lump... physics still exists).

So yes, you can wear this dress for a walk to go get coffee in the morning, unencumbered by a satchel or backpack. Look at you, moving through the world freely!

I have quite a lot of keys, so I have a carabiner on my keys and I snap it onto one of the belt loops. Yes, I sound like a janitor. But janitors sound that way because they're Very Important People with Keys, and I am one of those VIPWKs.

Speaking of the belt loops, a key feature of this dress is the belt (technically, a sash). It ties into a bow at the back (or at the front, if you're feeling bow-tiful).

Yes, it's kind of whimsical.

But here's the thing: This dress is so fricken' practical that if it didn't have a bit of whimsy, it wouldn't be such a clever disguise.

And the belt is truly useful:
👉 It can be used as a headband if you're working on something that requires you to look down.
👉 It's a shoulder strap if your purse strap breaks.
👉 It's restraints for a toddler (I'm not winning awards for Mother of the Year).
👉 It's a tourniquet in an emergency.
👉 Tie a loop at the end and you can help someone stuck in a well.

The options are nearly limitless (as long as they can be helped by a piece of durable but slightly stretchy rope).

Cowgirls! Pinups! What's not to love?

People stop me on the street, when I'm walking into Costco, when I'm having breakfast on my couch (ok, that's my husband Russ, but still... husband compliments count!), and pretty much no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

It is AWESOME.

I walk taller, my shoulders are back, and I feel really fricken' great. And I'm not alone. Lots of people who wear this dress report the same effects.

I know some people aren't necessarily fans of getting a lot of personal attention. I went through a time when I wasn't comfortable getting comments on my appearance (after leaving a hyena-filled environment). But give it a try. I think you'll be delighted.

Are you spill-prone? This print is a fricken' miracle. The print hides everything from coffee to grease stains. Yes, go ahead and change yer tire, ya grease monkey! You'll be ready to hop back in your car and zip off to your high-powered meeting and no one will be the wiser.
There's a certain thrill in knowing you can brave a Gwar concert, wet-wipe your face, and carry on with your day.
I even considered calling this "A Clever Disguise" because this cleverly disguises anything.

This dress is modest enough for non-religious settings. Depending on where you work, it's even work-friendly (other, more work-friendly prints coming eventually).

The buttons in the front do not gape. There are enough buttons so there isn't a lot of space between the buttons, which is a key feature in non-gaping tops. The top button is above the cleft of cleavage on most ladies.

The length is below-the-knee. This means you can bend over without "opening up the taco truck," so to speak.

This is not because the human body is shameful. The human body is awesome. YOUR human body is awesome.

It's because I don't want to have to always worry if I'm accidentally showing something I don't mean to show. I hate having to tug and adjust and pin and tape. I'm not going to do it. So I made a modest dress.

Wind happens. This dress flips up in the breeze. Any breeze. Because of that, I went to Amazon and bought bloomers, which are basically shorts-slip. So I can still do anything I want and fear no breeze.

Bloomers may be added to the collection in the future.

You can wear this to work. You can wear this to the bar. You can wear this in a car. You can wear this to brunch. You can wear this with a hunch.

You can wear this here or there.

You can wear this ANYWHERE!

(thank you, Dr. Seuss!)

What kind of a SCAM is dry cleaning? Why the heck would so many regular-wear clothes require dry cleaning? WHY WOULD SO MANY PEOPLE CRIPPLE THEIR FINANCES WITH THIS STUPID SHIT?

No offense to dry cleaners... but maybe just a nice fluff and fold for me, please.

When I found out that dry cleaning costs >$15, it struck me as profoundly wrong. 5 days a week, $15/day, that's $300/mo. EXCUSE ME? That's European vacation savings money, assholes.

This dress can go in the washer with regular detergent on a regular cycle (cold water preferable to preserve the colors and elastic) and can be popped in the dryer (check your pockets, you pocket-haver!). I recommend line dry since I always want to keep these as long as I can (I've had many of them for more than a year, and they're still totally great), but you do you.

The only thing that needs line drying is the belt, since it needs to be dried flat in order to lay flat. But if you'd rather have a twisted piece of rope for your belt, I'm not going to stop you there, either.

All in all, this is THE ABSOLUTELY GREATEST DRESS. I challenge you to find one better at any price.

We will be adding other prints in the reasonably distant future.

We will not be attempting to improve on perfection. The style of the dress is unstoppable.